Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I don't really know why, but lately i've really been missing Nicole. Not that it's weird to miss her, but for a while I didn't, and it just suddenly popped up again. As much as I realize it wouldn't work out between us if for some reason the opportunity to get back together were to pop up, there's still a part of me that wants it to. Her and I got along really well while we were together, but I just know she doesn't feel the same way about me that I did about her. It's really confusing, and also saddening...I haven't cried or anything over it yet, but i've felt myself on the verge a few times.

On a somewhat lighter note, i'm once again considering moving out to Arizona. I talked to my manager about it today, and it looks like the earliest it can possibly happen is next year, what with our peak season coming up pretty soon...which is fine. Gives me more time to work out a living situation, and to save money, and all that good stuff that'll definitely help me out in the long run. Speaking of work, this week so far has been a LOT better than last week, now that both of the shuttle drivers are back. The only bad thing is there's no telling how much longer the one will be staying as a shuttle driver. Hopefully they'll get someone to replace him before they move him to his new courier position, but I dunno..the way things are at our station I don't see it happening.

Not much else to update on, although... this is kinda cool. Made it myself in Halo 3. :D

Now playing: Dethklok - The Lost Vikings
via FoxyTunes

Monday, September 17, 2007

I woke up around 10AM, lounging around the hotel room for a little while, checking my e-mail and whatnot before texting Anelle about figuring out what to do for the day. Sadie was hungry and wanted to go to some pizza place, and since I was sick of pizza, I decided i'd get lunch on my own and meet them at the mall near where Anelle lived. The GPS unit I brought was leading me all over the place when it came time to find the mall, so what shouldn't have taken more than 15 minutes ended up taking over an hour as the GPS took me this way and that, until finally I found my way to the shopping center they were at. I hopped in Anelle's car, and we drove down to the pizza place, where they ate. Anelle was sick and had lost her voice from the night before, so she obviously didn't talk much. She wrote down what she wanted to say on a piece of paper and passed it around so we could read it, and it was kinda awkward because I felt like I was missing some sort of inside joke between her and Sadie, because she talked more to her than to me (which is understandable, since I wasn't saying much at that point...).

After they ate, we sat in the car for a while trying to figure out what to do next. I suggested seeing a movie, and they looked in the newspaper and we picked. I didn't know until we got to the theater, but we wouldn't be seeing the same movie. <_< Anyway, after we decided on a movie, they took me back to my car and I ended up following them to another Legion location that had just opened up, where I picked up a Street Fighter artbook I had tried buying from some dude on ebay, but he was backordered and I never heard anything from him, so I cancelled it. So that made me somewhat happy. :D

After that, I believe we went to a nearby lake and watched the ducks and geese for a few minutes until the movies started. We watched a nasty pair of geese attack anyone who got nearby, including a Hispanic family. One goose went straight for the guy's asshole, which was hilarious. We also saw duck sex, and quite possibly a duck orgy, but that didn't happen. Sadie got video of it though.

It was getting close to movie time, so I followed them down to the theater, where I saw 3:10 to Yuma, and they saw Balls of Fury. I can't remember if I asked what they thought of their movie, but they seemed satisfied enough with the fact that it had Christopher Walken in it, so I have a feeling the didn't think it was too horrible. We stood around in the parking lot for a while afterwards, where we decided to get dinner. I offered to buy us all dinner at Macaroni Grill, so off we went. The meal itself was pretty quiet, most of us were too busy eating. We did a bit of drawing on the table (it was allowed, don't think we're fucking vandals). I of course, being the one with little to no artistic talent, draw crappy stuff, mostly Mario Bros. items and so forth. Their drawings were much better. After dinner, we stood around in that parking lot for a while, and Sadie entertained us with stories of her boyfriend's family, anad how fucked up his grandfather is. It made for a decent ending to a good day.

We parted ways, and I crashed at the hotel, where I woke up around 11AM, and pretty much forgot that there was a check out time until about 11:50AM. I called the front desk and asked, and they said it was at noon, so I rushed to pack and head out. I drove around for a little bit before getting lunch at Taco Bell, and then I went to Circuit City, CompUSA, and Barnes and Noble until it was time to take the car back to the airport and check in. Thus ends my grand adventure in Alabama.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

So, after spending over 12 hours in various airports and planes, i'm here in my hotel in Alabama. As soon as I laned, I sent Anelle a text letting her know I was here, and she said she was on her way. I didn't know she took the day off, so I rented a car, which so far has been a bit of a waste, mainly because I had no idea she took it off. It's all good though, I got to spend pretty much all day with her instead of the few hours I was thinking I would. Her and her friend Sadie came to the airport, and we met up at a nearby gas station.

After that, we went to some Mexican restaurant, where the two of them ate what I later learned was breakfast. I didn't eat because I wasn't that hungry, but we left there and went over to the hotel I was staying at so I could check in, but my room wouldn't be ready until 3.I believe after that, the three of us got in Anelle's car, and we went to a comic store called Legion and looked around for about half an hour. We then went to another friend of theirs, Tara, so that they could see her new dog. We hung out there for a little while before all heading over to the mall, so that Anelle and Sadie could figure out when they'd be working next. They both have jobs at two different places in the mall, so we went to one and then the other, which was a deli. So, at that moment we decided to eat again, so I went and got a slice of pizza, and the others ate at the deli. They went back to the first store after that, and we kinda split up for a while after that.

I went to an arcade upstairs and played Soul Calibur 3 and Guilty Gear XX. Some guy came in while I was playing SC3 and beat my ass, so I moved to GGXX. I played that for a while, and some Hispanic guys came up to challenge me, and I beat 'em both away, until some Asian guy came up and whooped my ass two times in a row, so I took that as a sign that I was done. I bought a soda at a vending machine and wandered around before getting texted that the others were ready to leave, so I met back up with them and we took off. We went to another bookstore and sat around for about an hour before going back to Tara's to do a few things before saying goodbye.

At that point, I was VERY tired, and very grumpy/undecisive, so the rest of the evening was kinda bad. Sadie and Anelle wanted to get food, and they were asking me what I wanted, and I was no help. I could tell they were starting to get frustrated with me, and I wasn't really helping. We went back to the mall so they could once again figure out when they'd be working next (since last time apparently they got no help in that regard), and then we went to Wendy's to eat. After that, I figured I was too tired to be any help or to be exciting in any way, so they took me back to the hotel and dropped me off. The way back was really quiet, so I could tell it was also a good point to end the night.

So, here I sit in bed (Sunday morning), watching The Fugitive on TBS and trying to figure out what to do. I can tell Anelle's in a bad mood, but I can't tell if it's still because of me, or becuase she has no voice. Last night she mentioned she was being bugged by her family when she got home, and she was upset because even though it was obvious that she had little to no voice, they kept bugging her. So yeah, it could go either way.

Anyway, i'm gonna get dressed and see what adventures today holds. I hope today ends on a better note.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

So, my “internet” exile ended on Saturday (even though I wasn’t on much Saturday night or Sunday), and even though I felt better, and was glad I did it…I haven’t really enjoyed myself since it ended. Things have pretty much stayed the same while I was away. I’m still getting very little fulfillment out of what I used to love doing, and I can’t really say why. I don’t think I’ve outgrown it or anything like that, but I’m still not really enjoying it like I used to. Hopefully the feeling will go away, or maybe it’s just a sign I need to pull away, and do more activities, which I’ve tried to do. Last Sunday my mom bought a bike for the two of us to share, and I’ve tried to ride at least half an hour every day. I’ve slacked off the last few days, but that’s mostly due to being a lot more busy. I’m considering getting back into Taekwondo too, there’s a place less than a mile away.

I’ll be in Alabama Saturday morning, and I’m looking forward to it. I don’t really know what to expect out there, especially since Anelle will most likely be working most of the time I’m out there. But who knows, I might get lucky (and no, not in that way you fucking sickos :P ).

Still very lonely, although it hasn’t really bothered me much, until tonight for some reason. It just sorta came out of nowhere, too. I really need to do something about it, but I’ll be damned if I have any idea what.

Work this week has so far been a pain in the butt, and will continue to be for at least another week. One of our shuttle drivers is becoming a courier, so we’ve had to pick up the slack. Tonight and tomorrow night I have to do the late shuttle to LAX. They wanted me to do it on Friday too, but since I’ll be on a plane by then, that made it pretty much impossible. Darn. Next week is going to be even worse, because the driver will still be away at training, plus the other shuttle driver will be on vacation. So, I have NO idea how that’s going to work out, but I know it’s going to be horrible. The one bright side to it is that I’ll be making more money, so it’s not ALL bad. Still not looking forward to it, though.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I’ve been REALLY fucking depressed for the past week, and I can’t really figure out why. For the first time in a while, I’ve been much happier when I’m not at home. When I’m out at work, or when I’m with friends, I’m enjoying myself MUCH more than whenever I’m at home. I know some of it has to do with all the bullshit that’s gone down at the Center lately, with people leaving, and others getting upset with others. Seeing the people leave has been more hurtful, really…because everyone that’s taken off has been a part of my life for a long time, and even though I know for the most part they’ll come back eventually (they usually do), I can’t help but feel sad by the loss of them. Even people I never really interacted with on a normal basis that have left, I’ve felt just as badly about them leaving. It just seemed like a group of people I consider family was starting to fall apart. I know it’s only natural for people to want to move on, and I understand. There have been times when I’ve thought about leaving as well. But in the end, I realize how much the place means to me, and I could never truly leave. I might be able to take a hiatus for a bit, but I could never leave entirely. Like I mentioned earlier, most everyone there is like family to me. Some people I’ve even seen grow up from teenagers into adults, and to see that “family” dynamic start to weaken a bit, I guess it’s been getting to me.

I know there’s got to be more to why I’ve been feeling depressed, but i’m not as clear as to what exactly it could be. I think it may have something to do with the loneliness I’ve felt lately. When I’m at work, I’m around people that I’ve known for a while, and I can talk to and have a good time, and enjoy myself. And when I’m at home, I’ve got that same thing in a way (only difference being that these people are all online), but lately it just hasn’t been as fulfilling. I don’t know what about it exactly hasn’t been the same, but something just isn’t. The worst part about all of this is, not really knowing for sure what’s wrong. When you know what’s wrong, you know what you can do to fix it, and then you can set out and do those things…but when you’re clueless, you (at least I) just feel helpless, and feeling helpless sucks.

I’ve been trying to occupy my time with video games like usual, and even those aren’t really helping like they used to. The only thing that still seems to help in the slightest is listening to music…so I guess that’s my new fall back. Not to say that’s a bad thing, as I’ve said numerous times in this blog, music has been there when I really needed it, and singing, drumming, or whatever has just been a big help to me. I just bought a punk CD by a band called Paramore, and a lot of their stuff has been upbeat, but when I listen to it, I just can’t get into it. I know that I like it, but I just don’t start bobbing my head or drumming on the steering wheel or any of that. I think right now, the more uplifting/upbeat music isn’t going to help me much. I’ve been listening to a lot of Marilyn Manson lately for some reason, it’s just been helpful and I don’t know why.

I’m sure I’ll get out of this funk sometime in the near future, but for now, it sucks…it really, really sucks.

Currently Listening To: Born Again by Marilyn Manson