Friday, January 19, 2007

Well, it's been a week sine my announcement, and things (obviously) haven't changed all that much. I do feel a lot more free about what I find sexually attractive, I don't feel like I have to look at what I normally look at behind people's backs anymore, which is a great feeling. I'm not going to be shoving it in people's faces or anything, but it's nice to know I don't have to hide it. All the friends I know from online that I told about it have been very supportive, save one...but I don't hold a grudge or anything like that. It's just how he was raised. He's not like, shunning me or anything like that, he just doesn't agree with my point of view, which is all good. I posted about it on MySpace, and made a bulletin about it, but I don't know how many of my r/l friends looked at it. I have a feeling not very many, because I might've heard from them about it by now. But who knows, I could be wrong.

So yeah, i've been openly bisexual for a week now and it feels good...i'm glad I finally got around to admitting it to not only myself, but to others.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Well...this has been a bit of a hard decision for me, but lately i've been thinking more and more about actually going through with this, and I think its time I admit this both to you all, and to myself.

I'm bisexual.

Now, maybe I should clarify things a bit. I am sexually attracted to women, but not men so much. I mean, I find men attractive, i'm not that paranoid about my sexuality, but there aren't any men that i'd want to fuck, if that makes any sense. For years i've been fascinated with shemales, and have dreamt of being with one for a long time. I guess you could say i'm more interested in the male sexual organ than I am the males they're attached to. :p

About a week before my trip to Washington, I made a post on craigslist trying to see if I could get together with someone of the transgendered variety, and unfortunately nothing happened, but I was obviously hoping it might. It's something i'm going to continue to pursue as well, we'll see how it goes I guess, right?

So yeah...that's about it.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Well, I’m writing this from somewhere over Oregon, I presume, on my way to Seattle to visit Dana for a day. Today has been such a long day, waking up at 7AM and catching two flights late at night isn’t a good idea, for anyone that’s considering doing it. But if you’re still set on it, get plenty of rest the night before. Last night Jeremy was over, and we were gonna go get inked. We made our way down to the tattoo place (HB Tattoo for those who are wondering), and I talked to one of the artist there. I showed him the picture of what I wanted, resized to be slightly smaller than when Chelle first drew it up. I, for whatever reason, didn’t give much thought to the size of the drawing, but the artist told me what I had would have to be bigger. I didn’t really ask how much bigger, but….yeah. I told him I’d think about it and get back to him. Jeremy talked to him as well, and as far as I know he’s gonna go in on Monday to get something done. I forget what and where, though.

I was thinking about it a little bit today, and I was considering letting the artist draw up his own version, size and all, so I could see just what I was getting into. I’m even considering having him do the crow in a slightly more realistic style. I pretty much ahd my mind set on Chelle’s drawing, but with him saying it needed to be bigger, I don’t think I really want it much bigger than it already is. At least not if its going onto my bicep, which is where I wanted it. I’m thinking about maybe having it put on my upper back, near my left shoulder, so that way the size wouldn’t matter as much. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to see it as easily, but as long as it’s there, it’s all good. As for the RHCP logo, I’m still thinking that one over. I might get it done while I’m in Vegas (if I go). Hopefully if we do go, Ben’ll go with me.

He mentioned the other day that when he said a while ago when we were at the beach (quite a few entries ago now, I’m sure), that he didn’t mean he absolutely wouldn’t go with me, he just wouldn’t be encouraging me to get it. Maybe I misunderstood him, or may be he changed his mind, I dunno. Either way I’m hoping he’ll go.

I’m hoping we do go to Vegas this year, because I have a friend whom I’ve known for a while that moved out there relatively recently that I’d like to go visit. I’m thinking of going out there for a day regardless if we go for Ewa’s birthday or not. I haven’t really decided when I’m gonna leave AZ for Vegas either. If Ben takes Ewa this year, I’ll leave sometime Friday. If not, then I have no clue.

On an unrelated note, Dana’s getting married to a guy she’s known less than a month. She was down in CO for her sister’s wedding (her younger sister, btw), and met someone down there who was going to WA (where she lives now)…for what reason escapes me though. Anyway, they got together in WA and now they’re madly in love, apparently. He was telling her he loved her the second time they got together, which is absolutely fucking insane if you ask me. I don’t know anyone who could decide that they were in love with someone else after two times together. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I’ve got a strong hunch he’s just playing her like a fiddle. He’s going to be shipped off to the Army in two months, whether he’s just going to Basic or actually shipping out, I dunno. I just think she’s making a humongous fucking mistake. She’s letting herself fall in love too easily, and she’s only going to end up hurt. I don’t care how lovey-dovey they are at the moment, either. Almost all relationships are fantastic to begin with. After a few weeks is when it all starts to go to shit if it’s going to. And even if it doesn’t turn sour, that’s when you start to actually get to know the person you’re going out with.

Anyway, she’s talking about getting married to him before he takes off, and she’s even thinking about doing it this weekend, which if she does….I don’t know. As much as I care for her as a friend, I don’t think I’m gonna go. I really don’t feel that I can honestly support their relationship. Now I know it might sound like some sort of jealous ex-boyfriend rambling, but I swear to you it isn’t. I’m worried she’s just going to get her heart broken again. It’s happened before, and it’s most likely going to happen again. I hope I’m wrong, but I really don’t believe I am this time.

I called Ahn about two weeks ago to do something, but she was going off to AZ to be with her family for Christmas and New Years. She said she’d call me when she got back, and sure enough, she called me on…Wednesday night I believe? So, I’d say that’s a positive sign, wouldn’t you? I’m hoping that if we do end up going to Vegas this next weekend, that she’ll go as well so we can hang out again. When we went out a while ago, I think it went pretty well, and I do enjoy talking with her and hanging out, so I guess we’ll see how the relationship goes.