Monday, July 25, 2011

I am so sick and tired of my worrying brain. Yet again i'm sitting here alone questioning every little detail of the other night, wondering if I did anything wrong or did anything to possibly upset someone. 99% of the time I don't have anything to worry about, but there's just some part of my mind that constantly worries. I can't shut it off, I wish I knew how, because it does nothing but depress me and put me in a state of mind I don't want to be in. It's something that I can't escape, no matter how hard I try. If i'm not doing something that's brain intensive (for lack of a better term), my mind instantly wanders to the worrying section, and i'm powerless to do anything about it.

For a little background, i've been talking to this girl Alyssa online for a few weeks now, and last Sunday, her and I met up for the first time. I had a wonderful time, and she said she did too, but even with that knowledge, my mind went right to worrying. Did I make her uncomfortable somehow? Should I have put my arm around her? Should I have done this/that? I can't help but nitpick every little detail trying to think where I may have done something wrong. Now since that day, her and I have continued talking, and we even went out last night as well. Once again I sat here at home most of the day, not doing a whole lot, and of course I worried yet again. Am I moving too fast? Am I making her uncomfortable by how forward I may or may not be acting? It doesn't help the fact that I haven't heard anything from her since then even though i've tried to contact her during the day. I haven't gone overboard, because I don't want to be too forward, but i've sent her a text message earlier, I sent her one last night saying I had a great time, I sent her a message on Skype, all have gone unanswered.

Now I know I can't expect her to respond right away at my beck and call, I can't expect that from anyone. I know people have lives, and there are things much more important. It's this lack of communication that doesn't help, and I know I just need to be patient, but yet again, my mind won't let me. I sit here, and I worry, and I hate it because i'm 99% sure I have nothing to worry about. I don't like it, and I want it to stop. I just don't know how.