Monday, September 12, 2005

So, i'm going up to Colorado to see Dana this weekend. I had bought tickets to go up there and surprise her for our 4th month anniversary...and when I think about it, buying those tickets might've helped fuel the fire of me not being able to afford living on my own (with Dana, I mean). Money had been tight for a while, and with the money I spent to fly out there, rent a car, AND get a hotel just put me further in the hole. I still think it would've been super tight regardless, but that didn't help things. But when I bought them, I didn't really care. I wanted to see her badly and thought i'd still be able to handle the financial burden, but evidently I was wrong. I still think I made the right decision in calling things off, I just wish I had spoken up sooner. I think it would've saved both of us a lot of trouble instead of just going along with it...but I wanted Dana to be happy, I can't really be at fault for that can I? I still want her to be happy, of course. The breakup hasn't hurt our relationship THAT badly. I still think we're good friends, and I hope we can be for a long time. And who knows, maybe things will change further on down the line, and we can give it another shot.

Anyway, I kinda got off on a bit of a tangent. This weekend's gonna be weird, and I just hope it doesn't drive us further apart. I don't really think it will, but there's always that lingering fear in the back of my mind, you know? It'll be nice to see her again, but awkward at the same time. I know when I get there and she's at the airport waiting for me, i'm just gonna want to run up to her, give her a big hug and a kiss, just like things never ended...but there's still that part of me that's afraid of the same thing happening again. I don't think its really lonliness anymore, its more that the more I think about it, the more I think I should just let the past be the past. I'm sure i'll get tons of comments saying i'm a dumbass for thinking about it, but I can't help it. I guess I just have to be really patient about this, and not really make up my mind until we actually see each other again, and see how things go. I don't know...it's all so confusing. Ja ne.

2 Comments:

Blogger Kinmotsu said...

For what it's worth, I protest fervently.

7:29 AM  
Blogger Peeve said...

Sadly, I concur

4:32 PM  

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