Wednesday, September 07, 2005

God, i'm so confused right now. The more I think about Dana, the more I miss her. The more I miss her, the more I want to forgive and forget and just get back with her. There's part of me that wants to, and there's part of me that doesn't. The part that does...I dunno, I can't tell if I really do want her back, or if i'm just saying I do so I won't feel lonely. When her and I were together, I was really happy...I loved being in a relationship with her, even though at times I felt like I was kinda giving in to what she wanted and not really thinking things through. The part that doesn't is just afraid i'm going to get hurt again like I did the last time, that she'll flip out and go do something that'll end up hurting me, or making things worse. I don't want to have to worry about her going out and doing what she did this time, every time we have a fight of some kind. It seemed like at the first sign of trouble she overreacted, and things got out of hand. I've already forgiven her for it, even though it hurt a lot to hear what happened. We talked last night for the first time since Sunday, and it didn't really feel like anything changed. I still care a great deal about her, and I don't think I ever will stop, especially since she's the first real girlfriend i've had.

I don't know what to do...we both made mistakes, and have apologized for them. I'd like to move on, but I really just don't have a clue where to go. If I should start dating other people, if I should just wait a few months, see how things go and re-evaluate our relationship or what. I hate it when there's just no clear cut answer to things, but that's how life is, eh?

Ja ne.

4 Comments:

Blogger Joe Powel said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:51 PM  
Blogger Atomic Bombshell said...

Ugh... Codependency is BAD.

10:52 PM  
Blogger Manda said...

i just read your posts and i have to say i'm sorry for what you're going through. i've been going through a rough time myself lately with someone breaking my heart too.

for your girlfriend to mess around with someone before you actually break up says a lot about her character. better to find these things out sooner rather than later.

give it time and be patient..... people show their true colors over time, and that way you have time to breathe and think. then you'll figure out what to do! best of luck.

10:54 PM  
Blogger Kinmotsu said...

To an only partially informed eye, it certainly appears that you gave in to what she wanted consistently, and when you decided to speak your mind about something she immediately did her best to hurt you. Wouldn't a person who honestly cares about your feelings have been willing to discuss your trepidations about moving in together so quickly, and your concerns about money? Shouldn't someone who loves you been willing to compromise, even in the slightest? I don't claim to know you particularly well, but even I can surmise that her going off with another guy would play into some of your bigger fears. Don't you find it a little bit odd that she went directly for that hot button?

I'm absolutely not trying to taint your thought process about Dana, but I know from first-hand experience how easy it is to put a rosie tint on a situation that was in reality downright awful. You need to do your best to look at the situation from the most realistic view possible. Once you start remembering the good times, which I believe were many, it's really easy to simply overlook the crux of the matter. You need to do your best to remember what caused this as vividly as you remember the showers and the cuddling and the intimacy.

Trust me, I know it's not easy. If you need a sounding board, you know approximately where to find me.

10:57 PM  

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